She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
