I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
