I'm drive I can fine osifer
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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