YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
