She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize