the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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