Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
