the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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