based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
