Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
