drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
tell me about the fingering
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