I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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