Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
