I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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