it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
