i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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