Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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