you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
