he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
