even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
