We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
