my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
