I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
