dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
