Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
