dude i'm inner monologue high
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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