dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was CRYING into my vagina
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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