Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
