Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
