'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
