You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
