Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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