I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
