this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
high people should be assigned attendants
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
