I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Pants are for mortals
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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