dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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