Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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