I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
