Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
