We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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