when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
