Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
