Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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