You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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