DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
