I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
