I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
