I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
