Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
