Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
