I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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