please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
