I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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