i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
