ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
