You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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