Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
