How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
