Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
