where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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