I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
