yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
