i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
