The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Enjoy the penises
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
