doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
