So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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