you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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