chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
