friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
