I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
