You smell like a Billy Joel song
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
