just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
