Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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