guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
