Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
