you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
