my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
