Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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