maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
